Day 6 part 2

Woke up this morning in a good mood. Spent my day at church, sang at the choir, listened to God's message and prayed. I did a lot of praying today. I prayed about my family, my relationship with my boyfriend and what 2012 may bring to me, career wise.

After church, I just stayed home, cleaned my room and just did my devotion while waiting for that 1 most important text message of all. A text message about my boyfriend, finally back here in the U.S.

I watched TV, Sleep, Eat, Learned to play the guitar, which I find really really hard to do, just to pass the time. And FINALLY at 7:07 p.m., my heart finally jumped for joy when I finally got the text.

He's back and I can't wait to see him and hug him really tight.

Thank you God for answering my prayers...

Day 5/6

December 31, 2011:

I woke up without a hangover, thank goodness, after going out last night and I still can't believe that 2011 is almost over. Me and Mom watched Arthur Christmas and also ran some errands at Walmart. After that, I just slept the whole afternoon.

I kind of had a scare earlier. After sending my Boyfriend an imessage and an Email.. and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...... I still did not received any messages from him which is unlike him. My hands were so cold and seeing that he had some recent activities on the same day on Facebook like minutes and hours and he is not even sending me a message is like a stick pierced in my heart. I was shaking and again, thank goodness that my best friend calmed me down and I am just praying that nothing has changed in him. I just pray that whatever happened in the philippines, hopefully he will recover from it and hopefully nothing has changed in terms of our relationship. All I can really do is pray pray pray...

January 1, 2012:

Happy new year!!! I am really looking forward for this year. This is the year that I am graduating from Nursing school and I know there are other things that will happen but this year, the thing that I will in my power to improve is to cast my burdens, put it all in God's hands and accept the things that I cannot change. I want to build my relationship with God amidst the busy-ness that life brings. I have to accept that in life, if it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be and though it hurts, I need to remember that in life, God wants the best for us.

Have a blessed and happy new year to all!

Always,

Ycej_Eiram

Day 5

I have some realizations for Day 5 :

1. Care-less

2. Be a Friend

3. Do not expect

4. Be Content

5. Seize the moment

6. Live

7. Let it be

Tonight is the night where I'll live.

My love

I think about the years I spent just passing through...

I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you...

Day 4

Today I feel that I have to suppress my emotions, let go and trust in God fully. The situation is out of my control and right now I have to tell myself that I am still a person who has a life. A person who has so much more to do and has to accept the things that I cannot change.

He has his life and I have mine.

I love him but I have to also love myself. Don't get me wrong, nothing will change my love for him even for one bit. I love him with all my heart and with all my soul and that's set.

"I am willing to love myself today and every day."

I need to Hope

I need to Pray

I need to love and be loved

I need to trust

I need to Keep the faith

I need to Let go and Let God...

Day 3

I can feel it when he is sad.

I can feel it when he is hurting.

... And I just do not have the words to make him feel better which I wish I do.

I felt useless

Thank you Lolo

Thank you Lolo Guillermo for the love that you have shown to all of us. I am truly grateful to have met such a wonderful Lolo. No good byes, only see you later.

"We Love you Lolo."

Day 2

An iMessage greeted me this early morning and its from my boyfriend. I am so glad to hear from him that he arrived safely in the Philippines and is now spending time with his family and with his grandpa. I am so happy to hear from him and I even saw him for a few seconds on FaceTime. Him, going home to the philippines is one of my biggest fears due to things that runs in my head about what could happen especially me without him.

I think that God has a purpose to everything and this has been the theme of my life in the past week knowing that he is leaving out of the country even for just a week. We've never been away from each other for such a long distance and it really is killing me. But I know God will not put me through situations that He knows that I cannot handle and I know that I will get through this week with, hopefully, a changed heart.

I know that I am very impatient but this situation is slowly teaching me to turn into a new leaf. To be more considerate and compassionate. To be selfless and not think about me. It is his time to be on his own with his family without me and I cannot hold him back of course. It is his time to seek the peace that he needs. He needs this. And though it pains me that he is so far away, all I can do is pray to God to heal my heart and make me strong till the day that I will see him again and be back in his arms again.

I have never felt so attached to my boyfriend ever. I know in my heart that I cannot live without him and being in this situation right now, him being far away, really made me realize that I am so madly, deeply in love with him and I will pray and do my best to keep this relationship alive and protected. I miss him so much.

Today was a good day. With good vibes.Had a good day at work, cleaned my room and just relaxed while watching Modern Family. Hopefully it will be like this tomorrow.

"Hunny I miss you so much. But I know you need this. Im praying for you and your family. I love you so much"

Day 1

Today, I woke up in the morning feeling numb. I felt ok though. It is just weird not hearing from him in the morning. He is the first person that I talk to every morning. I miss his voice. I miss hearing his "good mornings" and "I love you's." I miss him. I miss him every minute, every second of the day.

Me and mom watched a movie at home titled "One day" starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. It was a good movie. It's about two friends who fell in love with each other and it took them almost 20 years to realize that they are made for each other. It made me realize that "Waiting" is part of life that is an art to learn. That if you wait patiently, good things will come your way.

After watching the movie, I was invited by my best friend to go with her to the mall and just hang out. It was a nice little get together with her husband and baby. I got to talk about relationship stuff with her husband and I got a really good advice from him about being selfless in a relationship. To learn to not be possessive and be considerate. I know in my relationship with my boyfriend, we had arguments and sometimes I am not considerate of his feelings and this is some of the things that I need to work on.

I was also asked earlier if I can picture myself without my boyfriend in my life. I never really thought about it before but now, truth is, I cannot picture myself without him. I love him so much and I am excited to be with him forever. I can feel that he is made for me and I keep praying and praying that God will say yes. I know we still have trials to overcome but with God as our foundation of our relationship, I know we will be alright. I will put everything in His hands and by his will, I am praying that he is "the one."

Right now, as I am typing this entry, I am currently watching the movie"fireproof" and my boyfriend is on my mind right now. Actually every minute he is on my mind. I just cannot picture myself without him and I always look at our picture before I go to sleep and the moment that I wake up. I always pray for his safety and I cannot wait to see him soon and hug him really tight.

I miss you Hunny. I miss you a lot

9:15 pm.... December 25, 2011

My heart just stopped.

Tears fell in my eyes.

My nightmare just came to reality and it is time for me to face my fear.

He has to do this. I have to do this. We have to do this.

He needs to seek the peace that he needs and I need to find the strength in my heart to have more patience and understanding and to hold on to faith.

It is all in God's hands now. He'll carry my burdens and sorrows,.

..but I am human, and I cry.