Jhemsunshine of the spotless mind

Day 6 part 2

2012-01-01T22:25:00.001-08:00

Woke up this morning in a good mood. Spent my day at church, sang at the choir, listened to God's message and prayed. I did a lot of praying today. I prayed about my family, my relationship with my boyfriend and what 2012 may bring to me, career wise.

After church, I just stayed home, cleaned my room and just did my devotion while waiting for that 1 most important text message of all. A text message about my boyfriend, finally back here in the U.S.

I watched TV, Sleep, Eat, Learned to play the guitar, which I find really really hard to do, just to pass the time. And FINALLY at 7:07 p.m., my heart finally jumped for joy when I finally got the text.

He's back and I can't wait to see him and hug him really tight.

Thank you God for answering my prayers...

Day 5/6

2012-01-01T00:24:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2011:

I woke up without a hangover, thank goodness, after going out last night and I still can't believe that 2011 is almost over. Me and Mom watched Arthur Christmas and also ran some errands at Walmart. After that, I just slept the whole afternoon.

I kind of had a scare earlier. After sending my Boyfriend an imessage and an Email.. and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting...... I still did not received any messages from him which is unlike him. My hands were so cold and seeing that he had some recent activities on the same day on Facebook like minutes and hours and he is not even sending me a message is like a stick pierced in my heart. I was shaking and again, thank goodness that my best friend calmed me down and I am just praying that nothing has changed in him. I just pray that whatever happened in the philippines, hopefully he will recover from it and hopefully nothing has changed in terms of our relationship. All I can really do is pray pray pray...

January 1, 2012:

Happy new year!!! I am really looking forward for this year. This is the year that I am graduating from Nursing school and I know there are other things that will happen but this year, the thing that I will in my power to improve is to cast my burdens, put it all in God's hands and accept the things that I cannot change. I want to build my relationship with God amidst the busy-ness that life brings. I have to accept that in life, if it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be and though it hurts, I need to remember that in life, God wants the best for us.

Have a blessed and happy new year to all!

Always,

Ycej_Eiram

Day 5

2011-12-30T18:54:00.000-08:00

I have some realizations for Day 5 :

1. Care-less

2. Be a Friend

3. Do not expect

4. Be Content

5. Seize the moment

6. Live

7. Let it be

Tonight is the night where I'll live.

My love

2011-12-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

I think about the years I spent just passing through...

I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you...

Day 4

2011-12-29T18:42:00.000-08:00

Today I feel that I have to suppress my emotions, let go and trust in God fully. The situation is out of my control and right now I have to tell myself that I am still a person who has a life. A person who has so much more to do and has to accept the things that I cannot change.

He has his life and I have mine.

I love him but I have to also love myself. Don't get me wrong, nothing will change my love for him even for one bit. I love him with all my heart and with all my soul and that's set.

"I am willing to love myself today and every day."

I need to Hope

I need to Pray

I need to love and be loved

I need to trust

I need to Keep the faith

I need to Let go and Let God...

Day 3

2011-12-28T21:58:00.000-08:00

I can feel it when he is sad.

I can feel it when he is hurting.

... And I just do not have the words to make him feel better which I wish I do.

I felt useless

Thank you Lolo

2011-12-28T21:41:00.000-08:00

Thank you Lolo Guillermo for the love that you have shown to all of us. I am truly grateful to have met such a wonderful Lolo. No good byes, only see you later.

"We Love you Lolo."

Day 2

2011-12-27T21:45:00.000-08:00

An iMessage greeted me this early morning and its from my boyfriend. I am so glad to hear from him that he arrived safely in the Philippines and is now spending time with his family and with his grandpa. I am so happy to hear from him and I even saw him for a few seconds on FaceTime. Him, going home to the philippines is one of my biggest fears due to things that runs in my head about what could happen especially me without him.

I think that God has a purpose to everything and this has been the theme of my life in the past week knowing that he is leaving out of the country even for just a week. We've never been away from each other for such a long distance and it really is killing me. But I know God will not put me through situations that He knows that I cannot handle and I know that I will get through this week with, hopefully, a changed heart.

I know that I am very impatient but this situation is slowly teaching me to turn into a new leaf. To be more considerate and compassionate. To be selfless and not think about me. It is his time to be on his own with his family without me and I cannot hold him back of course. It is his time to seek the peace that he needs. He needs this. And though it pains me that he is so far away, all I can do is pray to God to heal my heart and make me strong till the day that I will see him again and be back in his arms again.

I have never felt so attached to my boyfriend ever. I know in my heart that I cannot live without him and being in this situation right now, him being far away, really made me realize that I am so madly, deeply in love with him and I will pray and do my best to keep this relationship alive and protected. I miss him so much.

Today was a good day. With good vibes.Had a good day at work, cleaned my room and just relaxed while watching Modern Family. Hopefully it will be like this tomorrow.

"Hunny I miss you so much. But I know you need this. Im praying for you and your family. I love you so much"

Day 1

2011-12-26T19:58:00.001-08:00

Today, I woke up in the morning feeling numb. I felt ok though. It is just weird not hearing from him in the morning. He is the first person that I talk to every morning. I miss his voice. I miss hearing his "good mornings" and "I love you's." I miss him. I miss him every minute, every second of the day.

Me and mom watched a movie at home titled "One day" starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. It was a good movie. It's about two friends who fell in love with each other and it took them almost 20 years to realize that they are made for each other. It made me realize that "Waiting" is part of life that is an art to learn. That if you wait patiently, good things will come your way.

After watching the movie, I was invited by my best friend to go with her to the mall and just hang out. It was a nice little get together with her husband and baby. I got to talk about relationship stuff with her husband and I got a really good advice from him about being selfless in a relationship. To learn to not be possessive and be considerate. I know in my relationship with my boyfriend, we had arguments and sometimes I am not considerate of his feelings and this is some of the things that I need to work on.

I was also asked earlier if I can picture myself without my boyfriend in my life. I never really thought about it before but now, truth is, I cannot picture myself without him. I love him so much and I am excited to be with him forever. I can feel that he is made for me and I keep praying and praying that God will say yes. I know we still have trials to overcome but with God as our foundation of our relationship, I know we will be alright. I will put everything in His hands and by his will, I am praying that he is "the one."

Right now, as I am typing this entry, I am currently watching the movie"fireproof" and my boyfriend is on my mind right now. Actually every minute he is on my mind. I just cannot picture myself without him and I always look at our picture before I go to sleep and the moment that I wake up. I always pray for his safety and I cannot wait to see him soon and hug him really tight.

I miss you Hunny. I miss you a lot

9:15 pm.... December 25, 2011

2011-12-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

My heart just stopped.

Tears fell in my eyes.

My nightmare just came to reality and it is time for me to face my fear.

He has to do this. I have to do this. We have to do this.

He needs to seek the peace that he needs and I need to find the strength in my heart to have more patience and understanding and to hold on to faith.

It is all in God's hands now. He'll carry my burdens and sorrows,.

..but I am human, and I cry.

2 years of love

2011-12-25T18:07:00.001-08:00

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Bright in my northern sky....

- Nick Drake's "Northern sky"

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2011-10-22T22:26:00.000-07:00

With you... I feel alive

With you...everything feels alright

With you...living life is worthwhile...

With you...baby...hopefully...I'll meet you in the aisle...

I love you!

Asystole

2011-10-16T20:54:00.001-07:00

Isn't love suppose to make you happy?

...then why does it make me feel so miserable right now?

Tired of running, thinking, fighting around and not making sense

2011-10-13T00:00:00.001-07:00

I've been studying all day today for our upcoming respiratory exam for med surg. My brain is sooo toasted and I am really praying that all I studied will stick in my head because I really need to do good on this exam and the other exam after that.

My life right now is so plainly routine and really stressful. I know I am almost done with the program but right now... What I am feeling, this feeling of being stressed almost 97% of the time really sucks.

Hence, getting irritated really easily, grumpy and insecured. Dang, I hate feeling like this and no matter how hard I tried to stop feeling like this, I am so busy almost all day trying to survive the stress of school and work that I do not have the time to look at myself and plead "stop feeling this way."

Sometimes, I think to myself, "maybe I am allowing these feelings to linger around me because I am entitled to?" hmmm.. Doesn't make sense.

Moving on....

I know I am not the prettiest nor the brightest person in the world and I know that I cannot please everybody. I know that there are people who will stop and look at me and judge me becauseI know that reality is like that. I cannot change how other people think because they are entitled to their opinions/perceptions.

The worse part is "I know all of these" but why am I acting/thinking this way.

Time to call it a night.

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Always been the fat girl

2011-09-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

...Looked down upon...

Never noticed...

Always the ugly one...

I Don't want to be fat anymore

I need to be saved

Speeding thoughts at 3:57 am

2011-09-14T03:57:00.001-07:00

I know that if you had a past relationship with somebody and you two didn't work out, its hard to cut the ties that you have made to other people who you got acquainted to because of your former relationship partner.... But i find it really annoying to see/ know people that can't cut the ties and still feels so involved. So involved that he/she pretends that he/she is still "it."

Eh....

"From this day on ... I am not going to be affected or psych myself of the thought that you may come back and take my opportunity that once was yours that you have wasted.Your turn has passed. Its my turn to love and be happy."

- ycej VS negativities

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Cardiac, papers and Macs

2011-09-13T00:10:00.001-07:00

Dreaming of buying my own mac book pro and praying to pass my first med surg exam on wednesday... And finishing two papers for my Psych clinical rotation.

* siggghhhh....

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Napagtanto

2011-09-11T14:16:00.001-07:00

May nagtanong saakin...

"anong naramdaman mo?"

Sabi ko...

"hindi ko alam...di ko alam ang naramdaman ko."

.......

"siguro... Naisip ko... Salamat nalang. "

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Oh The Script! I love you!

2011-09-07T13:36:00.001-07:00

"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving..."

The Script: The Man who can't be move

You have only been gone 4 hours and already I'm wasting away

2011-09-05T22:49:00.001-07:00

I cannot focus... I cannot think...

All I really miss is your kiss...

Your smile and hugs...

I cannot wait to be with you forever.

I love you so much

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Lord...

2011-09-03T23:24:00.001-07:00

...kaya ko po ba talaga???? Please po tulungan nyo ako na ipakita ang daan na Tama ang nilalakad kong landas.

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Wash me!

2011-09-01T22:53:00.001-07:00

Picture of the day:

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What gas???

2011-08-31T23:07:00.001-07:00

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One day at a time

2011-08-29T23:28:00.001-07:00

I am just soo tired. I have Just been reading books after books and worrying about clinical skills, doubting if I have what it takes to be a nurse.... Missed a question on a quiz, note to self: STICK with the QUESTION!

I'm so tired.....

But i know i can do this....

Whheeeeewww... Deep breaths.....

Tomorrow is another day....

One day at a time.

Good night world...

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Oh Nursing school

2011-08-24T23:48:00.001-07:00

I'm from this....

To this....

Oh yes.... And so it begins. People said, former nursing students said that this semester (3rd semester) will be the hardest, sweat and blood and tears, no scratch that... Its even sweatier and bloodier and tearier? x 1000000......

Super busy reading ginormous textbooks and other books to gather for more information (because thats what a "sensing" learner will do" = me) and now... We have a new one from kaplan, to be added to my other 6 books, which I am thrilled about believe it or not... Here it is.... (really looks awesome!!!! Exciting...)

I feel that this new testing system is much better from ATI, the one that we used last year... And what's really cool about this "switch" is that Kaplan is actually the "go to review center" in preparation for the NCLEX exam which is actually free from the testing fee that we paid already... (yehey!!!)

Though I am busy, I feel so motivated to study and work hard coz I know that I am few months away to finishing nursing school which is my ultimate goal since day 1. I still pray to God that I will finally experience "my moment" , that calling that I am built to be a nurse because till now, I still didn't feel it yet. Don't get me wrong, I want to be part of this profession! But sometimes, I do doubt myself at times, which I am sooo ashamed about but I know and remember in my mind and heart that God will never ever give me a task that He knows I cannot handle.

God is my salvation
My Boyfriend and family are my inspirations
Friends and nursing classmates are my motivators

Really am too blessed! Thank you thank you
Good night blogger world!!!!:-p

I miss my hunny :-(

Good night

2011-08-24T01:09:00.001-07:00

Start of third sem of nursing school sure is hectic!
I am calling it a night even though its morning!
Good mornight :)

"
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New app for ipad

2011-08-24T01:05:00.001-07:00

Test... Test....

Just testing this new app to check if its working so I can still continue my blogging escapade from now on using my new buddy!

Its always been a mystery to me

2011-08-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

"how can you be happy for other people's happiness?"

Possible!!!!

2011-08-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

Blogger is possible with iPad!!!! Yes!!!!!

Wow...

2011-04-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

Walang kwenta... True colors are really starting to show up...

Till now... I always wondered

2011-04-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

Why does she always want a lot of attention ever since till now?

Wake up

2011-04-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

I know at times, especially these times, I really get ticked off easily about small things and because there are so many things going on in my life, the pressure of trying to do everything sometimes makes me think that this is becoming unbearable and sometimes think that its unfair.

But today, I woke up realizing...

That I am blessed that I still have a job...

...and that I am in the nursing program where other people are wanting to be in my spot and next year if it all goes well by God's grace, I'll graduate.

God is good, Life is good.

Let us Rejoice in our Sufferings

2011-04-04T23:35:00.000-07:00

From Romans 5: 1 -5

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so but we also rejoice in our Sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I was thinking about how stressful and hard school is and then God spoke to me through this verse. Sounds like Nursing School ;)

I love love love love

2011-04-02T22:46:00.001-07:00

"Us!!!!"

Thank you so much for all the love and for being with me even though I always ask you to do my homework! hahaha.

Countdown....

2011-04-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

Few more weeks of stress!!!!

...and 1st year of Nursing School is over!!!!

Can't wait for Summer Vacation!

Vent... Venting... Venter... Ventest...

2011-03-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogger World! It has been a long time since I was here. I guess should greet all you guys a very Happy New Year, Happy Valentines, Happy Chinese New Year and Happy St. Patrick's day! =)

Well, nothin really new happen to me. Apparently I have been really busy with school and work at the same time so that really takes out of my time so bad. So far school and work is good. It just really busy...KuhraZy busy....Still thanking the Father above for helpin me out, making me realize every waking day, every waking moment to keep the faith alive.

Anyway. I just want to take this opportunity to let out some stuff that's making my brain heavy AKA "Vent", hence the typing away.

I am feeling that I am really getting tired of understanding people sometimes. They just dont get me. Of course I try to do the right thing, understand their situation, but the thing is, why am I always the one who needs to understand. I mean I have needs too. I just feel its just unfair. And then in the end, you guys will fight and then not speak to each other, and then the list goes on and on and on....

Another thing that's bothering me is that why do other people still think that I want to know or need to know what my ex is doing with his life no? I mean seriously. It is seriously starting to annoy me. And then if I do react (like what I am doin right now...typing this vent), people will be like, "oh you haven't move on huh?" Oh Puhleeessseeee! We both have our own lives now, we both are in a relationship with other people that we are truly happy and care about (I know I am with my relationship) but I just still do not get why there are still people that randomly sends you a message or tells you, "Oh, you're ex is doing blah blah blah..." and I'm like, uhhh.... ok..... why are you telling me this? I mean come on! If you are a concerned person for me, you dont even have to mention my ex in the first place because First and FOREMOST of all, he hurted me. He left me. he tore my heart into bits and pieces and left me alone in the dark. So seriosuly, why do I need to know what is going on with him. I do not even want to hear anything about him. Yes we both moved on already as evidenced by we are both in a relationship now with other people, but I just do not see the connection of why I have to know what is going on with him?

Yep. that is it for now. That is my VENT-i chai latte for today. I will try to keep this blog goin and I seriiioulsy missed blogging.

The Girl in the Red Hat

2010-11-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Survived another Pharmacology class. I am happy that I understood the material that we talked about. I even participated in class! Probably my red hat did the trick! Probably my hat is a magical hat! Or should I say "thinking hat?" Just like Steve from Blue's clues have a thinking chair? Hmmm... (random I know!)

Since 7 am in the morning today, I have been studying for my Fundamentals of Nursing Class and started doing my care plan and read my pharmacology book to prepare for class today. I tell yah! my brain is so fried right now!

Ok, gotta eat dinner now and study more for my other exam this coming Thursday.

...And gotta do my papers as well... ayayayayay!

Wedding Series

2010-11-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Kuya Carlo got married to the beautiful Ate Jenna back in June when me and my boyfriend B.J. went home to the Philippines. It was a beautiful wedding though it was pouring rain outside. Showers of Blessings for the both of them!

Here are some pics! :-)

Fun times :-)

Time to....

2010-11-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

...get back in the game &&& to Regenerate....

Elation!

2010-10-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

I passed my Mid-term Pharmacology Exam!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inspired By You

2010-10-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

I guess it is your smile that brightens up my day.
I guess it is your hugs that makes the pain go away.
Whenever I think about "us" and how we are doing,
My heart beats, my mind spins, my life's changing.

I chose to be inspired, inspired by you.
By your Love,
By your Grace,
By the way you live your life with passion in God's arms.
I chose to be inspired, inspired by you.
Because life won't be worth living at all,
Without you, holding my hand until we reached our Father's house.

People may call me naive, people may call me crazy.
You just have no idea how passionately am in love with you.
I cannot wait to build a home with you.
To finally have our happily ever after.

I chose to be inspired, inspired by you.
From this day forward, every waking moment,
Knowing you will always have your love for me,
I will choose to be forever inspired by you.
Because I am one of the "lucky ones",
Who finally have the best thing that could've happen in this life,

To be love by you...

10/27/10
Barnes and Noble Santee

What I Love about Nursing School...

2010-10-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

I LOVE my Nursing Crew!

ADN class of 2012!

Here weee go! :-)

Pictures:

- Disney Trip, a breather from first pharm exam, with my RN crew

- Last day of clinical on Campus

Think Think Think .... OVERLOAD

2010-10-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Ok. today is our second Pharmacology exam that we are all dreading (Nursing Buddies & I). Till now, I feel that I am still not prepared to do this. But I am actually surrounded right now of distractions and I cannot concentrate reading.

Let me take this time to get this "things lingering in my head" out of the way by posting a blog about it.

1. I love Hello Kitty! Why do you have to be so cute. For the past 3 days, I have been hoping to buy anything from that Sanrio Store just to say I have "something new" Hello Kitty with me. I thought about buying another mechanical pencil or a bookmark Hello Kitty. And now I am thinking of an I-Phone case. hmmm

2. I want a Macbook Pro - 13 inch one! Yes, I do love my pink laptop serena but ever since my boyfriend kept talking about how he wants a macbook pro and me, seeing people with macbook pro's whenever I go to starbucks, or borders, makes me want to dream of having one too! I already talked to my mom and she is "delighted" to have my laptop if I ended up buying a macbook pro because she is sooo into facebook right now that she can't even have a turn in checking her own FB because my dad is hugging the main computer in our house! Yes, My parent's are both Facebook addicts right now. YES! I want a Macbook pro!!!!!!!

3. Ok, so I have this weird feeling that a certain somebody doesn't really like me that much. I guess its just my paranoia inside my head again. But oh well, I just have to accept that not all people will like me. I am only human and as humans, we all want to be liked. We all want to be loved and friends with everybody. But reality bites! Ain't going to happen. So JECY! Suck it up! So what kung mas gusto nya or pabor sya sa past nya? Ok fine. They're close. Oh well. If that person does not like me for him, then its that person's problem.

4. Yes, I am still afraid of hmmm... let me name her "Antoinette." They like her more than me because they knew her longer than me. So, I just have to...again.... accept that reality because it is what it is. I'll just have to be myself and do my own thing. "Diba? kung hindi nila ako ganon ka-type.... edi kasi tanggapin! Diba?" I guess she will forever hunt me and in the back of my head will be thinking, "hmmmm is he STILL thinking about her?"

Ok... time to go back to studying! This has been therapeutic. Reading all the stuff that I just typed made me realize how pathetic and paranoid I am, thinking of things that are not even worth to contemplate about. Well, not the Hello Kitty and Macbook part, but the situations of "what if's" and being liked.

I am ME. I love myself and I am a good person. If somebody out there doesn't like me the way I am just because. What can I do. Right? its not really worth to frown upon.

Liham para sa kanya

2010-10-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Para sa aking sinisinta,

Malapit na tayo mag isang taon at sa araw araw na kinagigisnan ko, sa puso't isipan ko, sinisigaw ang pangalan mo. Angkin mo na ang aking puso at ikinagagalak ko sa puong Maykapal na ibinigay niya saakin ang pinakamagandang regalo na nagbago at nagpaligaya ng buhay ko. Ikaw ang aking araw sa mundo kong makulimlim. Ikaw ang nagbibigay kulay sa mundo kong puti't itim.

Mahal na mahal kita at wala na akong mas hihilingin pa dahil ikaw lang ang kailangan ko.

Maligayang ika- sampung buwan!

- ycej eiram

Tired

2010-10-21T19:31:00.001-07:00

I have been studying since 5 am till now.

I am so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tired.

Sunday

2010-10-10T16:01:00.000-07:00

Spending time with my hunny and hunny's family in L.A.
So cool that I can post blog entry's using my i-phone!
Yes!!!!

5.00 pm!!!

2010-10-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

Waiting for our first fundamentals exam to start. I don't want to study anymore. I think I know what I know.

Wish me luck!!!

Here I go!

2010-10-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah"
We'll make it last forever

~Paramore's "Hallelujah

Life has been well. So far so good. Currently busy working and being at Nursing School at the same time. Hence, not updating a lot. Too busy to do it. It seems like it was only yesterday that I keep on mentioning my goals of becoming a nurse and be at nursing school and now, here I am, on my first sem and already starting clinicals in the hospital this coming Saturday. Lets keeps our fingers crossed that hopefully I'll survive :-)

Despite of the stresses that Nursing school has to offer, I am happy and blessed that I have a strong support group that I can cling on to whenever I feel that I am about to crash down.

1. God - Without him, I am not gonna be here in this position. All praises to him for always showering me his blessings, wisdom and guidance.

2. Le Boyfriend - my favorite, my love, my bestfriend. He is one of my greatest blessings ever! I am very thankful for his understanding and unending love. He still manages to keep me smile despite of all the stress that I am going through. He is always there to listen to all my woes and accomplishments. He's my number one fan (haha...hope so!) He is always there by my side whenever I am studying and him just playing around with his i-phone waiting for me to finish. Thanks for being such a trooper hunny! ;-D

3. Family - of course! I have the best family who is always there for me, understanding me on what I am going through especially the financial problem part since I dropped some hours from work in order to focus on my studies.

4 Co-workers - Very proud and understanding co-workers! my second fam bam! Love them!

5. Nursing Crew!!!!!!!!!!! - so happy to have very helpful classmates and new found friends. Helping each other out. We are all in this together and we are on our way to graduation! --> thee ultimate goal

Ok... Here I go! Wish me luck you guys and I will do my best to update my blog, for whoever even reads it.

HE brought me to you

2010-10-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

In search of my life and my one true love

I prayed to almighty God above

His compassionate voice, direceted me to

The many things I was destined to do

...and through all of this my fancy quest

I cherished the secrets held close to my chest

I hope to find a prize so rare

A priceless treasure beyond compare

For God promised he would bring me love

A love without measure, precious and true

and behold my dear, Bernardo James

He brought me to you...

` excerpt from Hans Anderson's "Little Mermaid"

The Story of Me (sort of)

2010-07-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

Song of the Day:

"she's fine, most of the time
she takes her days with a smile
she moves like dancing in light
spinning around to the sound
sometimes she falls down

breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need

she likes New York at night
she dreams of her own in her wake
shine on, pray like the sun
and even the skies turns grey
i need you to hear me say

breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need

let go of the fear
let go of the time
let go of the one
to try to put you down
you're gonna be fine
don't hold it inside
go ahead right now
and let it all come round

breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need
breathe, just breathe
take the world off your shoulders
and put it on me
breathe, just breathe
let the life that you lead
be all that you need

` "Breathe" by Ryan Star

***
Well, hello hello hello. It's been a while I know but here I am coz my brain is full of thoughts. I just came back from a 3 week vacation from the homeland (Philippines) and of course it was a blast! All I did was eat eat eat, shop and just travelled. Reunited with my big brother and sister who still lives there, reunited with my cousins, my bestfriends and also met my boyfriend's friends and family. Also bonded with the boyfriend of course! Everyday we were together! No work, no obligations tied to us, just pure fun Fun FUN!

Anyway, I'll post pictures soon. Oh, and I just finally recovered from being jetlagged! The first two weeks back was awful! I arrived back to the U.S on July 5th and back to work on July 6th = NEXT DAY! My eyes were droopy and all! BUT I still managed to finish my work so applause to me for being a trooper!

Few more weeks and I will be returning to school. I am trying to enjoy the remains of my vacation time because when August 17 strikes, WELCOME NURSING SCHOOL! ...and work at the same time. Good bye two years of my life! But hey, on the brightside, this is it! The one that I have been waiting for...the making of my Future! SEriousNess! with a little fun to the side! It's just going to be a lot of work. Aja! Fight Fight Fight!!!

End of VBS (Vacation Bible School) Week tonight at church. Too bad I'm not gonna be there because it's my bestfriend's wedding dinner rehearsal tonight. I am so proud of my students (kahit sobrang uber duper kulit nila!) and also with my ate Myelene and myself for performing every night with the storytelling! We have such huge fans for liking all our skits! Tonight is the Performance night and hopefully they'll do well! Go Go team Saturn!

Anyway... I have such a beef with Promises! I guess promises are really made to broken at times. But oh well... Life goes on.

Alrighty! back to work. Lunch break is over! HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Oh Nooooo !!!!

2010-07-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

Nawawalan na ako ng mga ideas kung ano ang ilalagay ko sa blog ko....

Where did all my ideas go?

huhuhuhu...

Jetlagged pa siguro ang brains ko.

Untitled

2010-06-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

Time: 8:43 pm (Phillipine time)
U.S. Time: 5:43 am
Status: Jetlagged and confused with dates
Realization of the day: "To Love is to wait. To Love is to Sacrifice. To Love is to absorb all things and bear all things. To Love is to hold on. To Love is to be patient. To Love is to have faith."

That feeling

2010-06-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(be strong)
You'll break it
(hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can't do
No one can stop you, you know that
I'm talking to you

Young girl don't cry I'll be right
here when your world starts to fall

~Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within"

***

That Feeling...
That feeling of helplessness.
That feeling of loneliness.
That icky feeling.
That Feeling...

That Feeling sucks.

Sure

2010-05-28T23:03:00.000-07:00

There must be a God,
I believe it's true,
Cause I can see His love,
When I look at you.
And He must have a plan,
For this crazy life,
Cause He brought you here,
And placed you by my side.

And I have never been so sure
Of anything before
Like I am in this moment here with you
Now for better or for worse
This is so much more than only words
And I pray everyday will be the proof
That I mean what I say I Do
Yea I mean what I say when I say I Do..

~ When I say I do By Matthew West

It's such a high to think about the moment I finally met the person that I would love to spend the rest of my life with. Happiness and Love fills my heart whenever I think about him. When I met my boyfriend BJ, we never imagined ourselves falling in love with each other. When we met, it was just pure friendship, like a brother and sister type of relationship. No intentions of being in a relationship with each other. I guess everything is written in the palm of God's hands. What you will be AND WHO WILL BE THE PERSON TO ACCOMPANY YOU IN YOUR LIFE'S JOURNEY.

When I became single last year, I always ask God who's going to be the next "guy" in my life. I was praying to him that hopefully whoever that person is, would be the "one." I did met a guy that I like when I was single WHO IS totally ALL WRONG for me. God is actually telling me that time, "Jecy, no he is not the one." But being impatient that I am, I still went out with that guy knowing na the relationship that we had is a "No Title" relationship which is totally dumb. I went out with that guy for almost 4 months until I finally realized and told myself that I deserve a person na genuine akong mamahalin, yung hindi ako gagamitin, yung hindi na ako sasaktan coz I don't want to feel that pain na dinanas ko noon. I don't want to go back to that cold, dark place. So by November of last year, I finally put my foot down and said no more.

Thanksgiving night 2009, God finally answered my prayers without me knowing about it. I met the love of my life.

Who knew that my friend's brother is the one who will sweep me off of my feet? There are so many instances that I could've met him, But I guess God is just planning for the right moment and time for the both of us to meet and build our relationship by being friends first and then into lovers and hopefully in the near future, as husband and wife. (ooohhhh...)

Of course I am still praying that God will strengthen our relationship. There are going to be ups and downs for sure in life and love, but knowing that God and my boyfriend is on my side, then I will be fine. I have never been so sure in my life with him. I feel that I am already engaged to be married to him, I'll just put it that way, that is how sure I am.

I guess when you know... you just know.

Turn your lights down low

2010-05-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

Nararamdaman ang paglisan mo sa pagsapit ng dilim

Kalungkutan ay kumakapit sa aking mga balat

Paligid ko na biglaang tumatahimik

Nangungulila sa mga yakap mo...

Miss ko na ang aking sinisinta !

I love you hunny baby!

Shots Shots Shots Shots!!!

2010-05-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

.. Uhmm, not the song!

So yesterday, I went to the Doctor (all by myself! haha.. I guess I am a big girl now!) to get my physical done because it is a requirement for my Nursing program, which is starting this August. Of course a part of the requirement is to make sure that you are up to date with your vaccinations. Too bad, I don't have a list of the shots that were given to me when I got my physical before I moved here to the states. So, The Dr. decided to give me the tetanus shot on my right arm and also took blood samples and also a tb skin test on my left arm.

The result...

Both of my arms hurrrrttttt so badly. The ache actually reached my shoulder blades as I type right now. I forgot that getting shots has its side effects! I actually remember what my veterinarian told me when my puppy got her shots. She said that there may be a possibility that she'll be really tired and may just sleep in because the shot will be painful for her. Now I know what my puppy felt like, that's probably she really hates me when we go to the vet! haha... which kind of reminded me that I need to sched her back to the vet because of her overdue check up.

Anyway.... yeah, I guess I'll go to sleep now. I cannot type anymore! It just hurts! :-(

Crossroads

2010-05-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

I was alone wandering,

In this long and winding road,

Not knowing how long will it take me,

Not knowing where to go.

As I step, a memory flashes,

A heart that suddenly slashes,

A tear drops,

As rain starts.

Pushing through the lively winds,

Fighting as it begins,

Time to accept the past,

For God sent me the ONE at last.

A light that shone at the end of the road

The light that started the greatest lovestory ever told.

His smile greeted me that there is hope

At the end of this long and winding road.

He took my hand and held it tight,

He told me that everything will be alright,

"For here is true love, I give thee,

A love so pure, A love so free."

Jumbled

2010-05-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Minsan may mga bagay tayo na dapat intindihin. Pero minsan di natin maintindihan kasi dahil nasa isipan natin ay ang katagang "Ako."

It's 9:57 pm. Wala lang. Bored lang ako and yes I haven't been updating a lot sa blog ko. I guess I'm just being too lazy to tell stories about what is going on with me and stuff. Well, for one thing, I am busy at work, busy thinking about how I will work out my schedule for August since I am going back to school full time and if I will still continue to be a full time employee as well. Then, there is this thing that me and my family needs to resolve too. So yeah... a lot of things, neurosn blasting away my brain. Stressing.

I trust in God. I trust in him. Yes I know that he will make a way pero syempre dadaan ka din sa stress sa buhay. Part yun ng buhay you know. Pero yes, I agree, prayer.

Hmm... type type type... ano pa kaya ang pwede kong sabihin sa entry na ito? Sorry guys if I am being random. La lang ako magawa. I'm browsing my boyfriend's netflix and wala akong gustong movie na panonoorin. Then kanina, nakatulog naman ang boyfriend ko dahil pagod din sya sa work so wala akong nakausap. So ang ginawa ko nalang kanina eh nagrecord record ng sarili ko na kumakanta sa phone ko. Haha... wala lang....Sana may lakas ng loob ako na ipost dito pero wala eh. Maybe next time.

Excited na ako umuwi ng Pilipinas. Excited na akong umuwi with my boyfriend. Makikita ko na ulit ang big brother ko, sister ko, cousins and friends. And also meet my boyfriend's fam and friends as well. Three weeks paid vacation sounds awesome! Tsaka bakasyon engrande ko na din yun before magstart ang eskwela sa August. Kasi once classes starts... wala na akong buhay.. at least for the next 2 and a half years.

This weekend coming is another busy weekend. May CPR training pala ako sa saturday for 8 hours. Tapos mamimiss ko pa yata ang bday party ng napakacute na chikiting na si pa-cham tapos may jewelry party pa si Ate Jenn ko tapos di ko pa makakasama ng matagal ang boyfriend ko tapos di pa kami makakapanood ng bagong movie na Shrek.

Haay.... anyway matutulog nalang ako. salamat sa oras na nilaan nyo para basahin tong entry na toh na super random at walang katuturan.

Tired....

2010-04-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

I am tired of pleasing everybody!

If you guys are not happy with the decisions that I make, then bug off!

Can you just please be supportive and happy for me.?

Coz I finally found the happiness that I need in my Life.

The Search is Over

2010-04-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

Now I look into your eyes...
I can see forever...

The search is over...
Love was right before my eyes...

I love you hunnybaby. Few more years to forever.

Bernardo James Canosa...

2010-04-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

"Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me. "

He must have heard every prayer I've been praying
~ Newsong's "When God made you."

It's the Climb

2010-04-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

So I asked my boyfriend to go Hiking with me last Saturday. I am happy that he said yes. We decided to wake up really early, which we did, around 6am and we got there at 7:30 am and started the hike. Cowles Mountain is of course a mountain... there are some rocky roads and the ground is a little bit slippery. We wore rubber shoes but I guess you have to have hiking shoes so you wont worry about slipping and falling especially when there are sharp rocks around you.

After 2o minutes of walking up and down the trails towards the top of the mountain, we both felt like giving up because we were tired, hungry and I myself felt like dying! I guess that's what you get when you stopped working out for a while. Breathing becomes harder.

In my head, while still continuing to reach the top of the mountain, despite the fact that I feel like I'm gonna pass out any minute, I realize that every day in our lives, we always climb different mountains. It's hard. It's a long way. It's tricky. It tires us, stresses us out which makes us feel the need to just give up and not go through it, hence, going back to the start and stay there.

But in order for us to achieve the goals that we want to achieve in our lives, we have to take an extra mile, an extra step to reach that goal. We have to push ourselves to go to the top of the mountain because the view will be totally awesome. When you reach your goal, whatever that may be, it will be awesome. "The view will be worth it."

Just like what me and my Boyfriend saw :-)

View from the Top

Stop and Stare

2010-04-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

"I think I'm moving but I go nowhere"

What I sing to myself when everything is not going right...

2010-04-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

You said
You´d never leave or forsake me
When you said
This life is gonna shake me
You said
This world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

When I see
The darkness all around me
When I see
The tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

Sorrow may last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
Its rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart `~
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

~Fee - "Everything Falls"

Please Please Pretty Please

2010-04-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

I guess in life you can't really please EVERYBODY. There will always be that one person that will not like you just because. Even though you didn't do anything to that person. Sometimes it just seems unfair because you weren't even given the chance to show that person the real you.

Oh well, Life goes on right?

Why be bothered by people who doesn't like you?

Instead, Focus on the people who likes and appreciates you. They're much more worth it than wasting time worrying about why that person does not like you.

Easter Easter Easter

2010-04-04T13:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter everybody! Hope you guys had a good one. Today is a very special day, a day to remind us that Christ our Lord has risen today.
I had a great time at church today despite the fact that I woke up at 5am to prepare for the sunrise service which is held at a church near our church. There are 5 churches, including ours, that participated at the Easter Sunrise Service, which is really cool. Just proves that even though we have different religions/denominations, we only serve ONE God.

My boyfriend attended the Sunrise service and the Morning service with me today which really made my Easter special this year. Our Pastor's sermon was great. It really made me realize, that I, too, had my share of resurrection. From a Zombie to a real person who is much more alive, loved and cared by the most awesome boyfriend ever! I am so happy that he's spending time with me at my church with my family and church family. Everybody welcomed him which is really cool.

Of course, because it's Easter, we have to have the Egg Hunting Ceremony for the Kids. But if you look at the pictures, it's not really called "Hunting" because the eggs are scattered all over the place! (hahaha...) It's really fun to see the kids with their smiling faces, hear their laughter while gathering all the eggs that they could grab. Eggs containing chocolates! :)

After church, I spent the rest of my afternoon with my Boyfriend's family. We were about to eat a late lunch when we felt ground shaking!

Earthquake!!!

Yes, California Earthquake 6.9 magnitude! I have never experience an Earthquake this strong like ever! It lasted for about 25 to 30 seconds. We all ran outside the house, praying in silence. Thank God because my love ones are OK and no damage was done by the earthquake. The Earthquake kind of reminded me the story of Jesus resurrection when the tombstone rolled away, signifying that Christ has risen.

Hmmm... Maybe Christ is coming soon... :)

Quote of the day

2010-03-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

"Happy is he who dares courageously to defend what he loves..."

- Ovid

March 25, 2010

2010-03-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

Three Months of Togetherness today with the ONE who always gets me through the day!!!

Me Love my Hunny! :)

Eyes to See

2010-03-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

My Prayer:

"O Lord, let me see what you want me to see ..."

Amen.

Living for one thing

2010-03-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

I believe that all the things that we experience in our lives are all thanks to our Father above. May it be a happy, awesome, great experience or a sad, awful and breaking experience, God is working out his plan for us and all that happens to us are all according to his will.

Today, I realize that all the painful things that happened to me last year have become the most awesome thing that ever happened to me. I guess God is just writting a much greater and deserved love story solely intended for me.

All the stuff that happened to me last year (well, if you are a blog reader of mine, then you'll know what I am talking about.) pointed me straight to the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. My true love, my soulmate, my sunshine - my Bernardo James Canosa.

"It's all part of His Grandeur plan."

So I want to Thank God today. I want to praise him on high. He was with me through all the pain that I experienced last year. I really felt his presence. He told me that everything is going to be alright when I was feeling so down. I felt every hug and kiss when I thought I was going to die. He promised that He would take care of me, and He did. He told me to be patient, for good things will come along my way.

And He never failed.

He gave me his promise and now, my life is so much happier than before.

Because of God's kindness, I decided to live for one thing and one thing only - to be like Christ, to do his work and serve his people and him. My life is to bless and love others in the name of God.

"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." ` Philippians 1:21

Spring Awakening

2010-03-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

Happy First Day of Spring!!!

My bright spot of the day

2010-03-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you..."

` Rascal Flatts's "God Bless the Broken Road"

Yeah, Yeah, I know. I'm in Love!
I feel that I am the luckiest girl in the world for having the most awesome boyfriend ever!
I am at my happiest right now.
I never imagined that I will have this kind of happiness.
What did I do to please God to be given such a wonderful blessing.

Masaya ako sa piling niya.
Para bang nasa alapaap ako.
Kahit napaka stressful na ng araw mo,
Mabasa mo lang ang isang text galing sa kanya,
O marinig lang ang kanyang Boses sa telepono,
Swwiiissshhh.... Wala na!

He is my bright spot of my Horrible, stressful day!
I can't wait for the day to be with him forever.

*haha... pardon me for my chessy-ness :)

Pero ang saya saya ko talaga!
Wala lang! Share ko lang! :)

I'm not that Girl

2010-03-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

` "I'm not that Girl, "Wicked: The Musical" Performed by Idina Menzel

If I Fell...

2010-03-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.

If I fell in love with you

~ "If I Fell... By The Beatles...

May the "Forced" be with you

2010-03-01T19:22:00.001-08:00

Don't Speak.
Don't listen.

Just close your eyes...
Deep Breaths...

I think I still can't handle dealing with his past.
Kala ko I can be cool with it. Like not worry about it. Pero bakit ganon. Parang ang bigat parin ng feeling.

I am not in a competition. But why do I feel like I am in one? Even though I know that I have his heart now in my hands, why do I feel so threatened or scared of losing... losing him... though I know that I am his only one. And yeah I do believe it pero his past seems to hunt me, even in my dreams, in our day to day conversations. No matter how I tried to shove it pass me, put it in my rear view mirror, I still feel that my heart is being stabbed into pieces whenever I hear her. Kahit casual nya lang na nakukwento or nababanggit ang nakaraan nya... bakit ganon... di ko kaya talagang pakinggan pero syempre kailangan kong pakinggan kasi yun ang realidad eh. Naging parte din siya ng buhay nya. He is who he is today because of her. But why do I feel so unease whenever her name is mentioned up in the air.

Kahit naman pilit naming iwasan ang nakaraan nya... may mga ibang tao naman na nagbobrought up sa kanya at tapos babalik nanaman kami sa point A... Siya nanaman ang topic namin for the day.

Yeah. I know. Ako na ang mahal niya at sobra din ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Sobrang sobra nga kaya nga eto ako ngayon... nagsusulat ng blog... all paranoid and stuff... nagbubuhos ng mga hinaing ko sa ere na di ko naman alam kung may nagbabasa ba ng blog ko.

Ewan ko ba... siguro kung nababasa nya ito ngayon, for sure, tinatawanan na nya ako ngayon. Kasi reading this, she'll probably think na panalo parin siya.

Ay ewan ko ba. Gulo gulo lang siguro ang utak ko ngayon. Kailan ko kaya malalagpasan tong kalbaryong nararamdaman ng puso ko.

Haaayyy.... Sighhh....

Itutulog ko nalang ito.

Happy and Blessed

2010-02-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I updated my blog here. So here it is!

I am really happy and blessed to have the life I have right now. I know that Life is tough at times. Just the beginning of this month, my grandma in the Philippines passed away and I felt sad because I didn't had the chance to say goodbye to her for the last time. But I know now that she is happy in the arms of God and also with my grandpa in heaven. And now, I know that she is at peace. I am happy for her. And I know that she is still alive... in my heart.

I also finally got a spot for the Nursing program this coming fall! After two years of waiting, and four years of establishing my nursing goals, I can't believe that it is here! I am so excited yet nervous of course but I am really up for the challenge to finish what I started and finally build the life that I chose to become. My future is just at my finger tips!

I am happy and blessed to have the family that I have right now. I wouldn't trade it for the world! Though were not all together in one place... we know that we love each other, support each other and no distance can erase that.

I am happy and blessed to have awesome co-workers and friends. I am thankful for all their support in times of my happiness and sadness. They are an important part of my life and they shape me to the person who I am today.

And of course, I am happy and blessed that I finally met the love of my life. The person who I am sure, 100% sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with. My hunny. He lifted me from the ground where I was buried in sadness. He took me out of the dark place where I once was. He is my prince who swept me off of my feet. He is my soulmate. He is God's best gift for me and I would do everything in my power to take care and protect this relationship. I love him soo soo much and I am forever thankful that he is in my life.

So happy and blessed!

Alive

2010-02-05T17:14:00.000-08:00

Fallen into the grace of his arms

By the warmth of his embrace

A breath of life flowed into my veins

I love you hunny :)

Wouldn't it be Nice ???

2010-01-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

The happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending
Oh Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true (run, run, run)
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married (we could be married)
And then we'd be happy (then we'd be happy)

Wouldn't it be nice (ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba)

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Oh, wouldn't it be nice

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

good night my baby
sleep tight my baby

~ by the Beach boys

Fallen

2010-01-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

In my life, you heard me say I love you
How do I show you it's true
Hear my heart, it longs for more of you
I've fallen deeply in love with you

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I've fallen deeply in love with you

You and I, together forever
Nothing can stand in the way
My love for you, grows stronger each new day
I've fallen deeply in love with you

~ Deeply in love by Youth alive (Hillsong)

Message from HIM:

"I would live in your love as the sea grasses live in the sea.

Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave as it recedes.

I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,

I would beat with your heart as it beats;

I would follow your soul as it leads. "

****

HE broke down the walls to let me see the light

HE wiped the tears in my eyes to bring back my sight

Held me in his arms

Promised me no more harms

With him now by my side

My life assuringly is going to be alright

As the World turns, let us hold each other's hand and stay together forever

2010-01-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

Di ko maintindihan
Ang nilalaman ng puso
Tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay
Pinapanalangin lagi tayong magkasama
Hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta
Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

Ayoko ng maulit pa
Ang nakaraang ayokong maalala
Bawat oras na wala ka
Parang mabigat na parusa

Huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba
Hindi ako tumigil magmahal sayo sinta

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta

Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

~ Ikaw lamang by Silent Sanctuary

****

Ang taong nagpapaikot ng aking mundo.
Ang taong humahawak ng aking puso. :-)

What I learned from my New Devotional Book

2010-01-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, me and the family watched the play called "The Glory of Christmas" at Crystal Cathedral. It's the story of Jesus's Birth and what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. (Yes, I know, It's kind of late because Christmas and New years passed already, But it's actually a great play) Anyway, while waiting for the show to start, I went to their gift shop and bought a devotional book called, "Hearing God through the Year" by Dallas Willard. This is actually one promise that I want to keep this year, to have a relationship with God through daily devotions.

I would like to share what I learned from my very first devotion for the year 2010.

"Living for God's Words."

Verse: "Man does not live by Bread alone but on every word that comes form the mouth of God." Deuteronomy 8:3

Exerpt: "People are meant to live in an ongoing conversation with God, speaking and being spoken to by him...."

How can we really do that? How can we really communicate with God? Well, of course the number one answer is through prayer. Another one is through daily devotions like what I am doing right now. Devotional books accompanied by our Bibles is a way of God talking back to us. But that's not just it. The way that we act around other people is also a way of how we communicate with God.

Living for God's words: How do we apply what we learn from God? How do we apply what God want's us to do? How do we live out God's word?

That's the question. That's the challenge.

I remembered a situation that happened last month at work where I was challenged by the questions that I mentioned above.

Last Month, around lunch time, I was at work and a random guy walked in at our clinic dressed formally: Striped blue long sleeve shirt, black pants and black dress shoes. I thought he was a salesman of some sort but he ended up asking me for a favor. He said that his friend accidenatally took his Jacket with his wallet in it and now he doesn't have any cash at all to buy a ticket to ride the trolley. He told me too that he tried to ride the trolley without a ticket but he got caught by the police who checks tickets and was asked to step out. So what's his favor? He asked me if I could lend him 5 dollars so he could buy a ticket. He said that he would pay me back and he even gave me his phone number for assurance that he will pay me back.

Well,first of all, I don't normally carry cash with me anymore. I typically just use my check card or my credit card. So having 5 dollars on my wallet is like a drop of rain in the drought. (haha... I guess that description is really exaggerated but you get the idea! Hopefully)

Anyway, I do have 5 dollars in my wallet that day and it is also my last cash on my wallet. So I'm kind of hesitating to help the guy out.

But you know what, I ended up helping him out. I gave him my very last 5 dollars. I told him not to worry about it.

I don't really know if his story is really true or if he just ripped me off. The question that I just asked myself with that situation is "What would Jesus do?" Our God is a compassionate God. Jesus is awesome for he saved us from our sins by sacrificing his life for us. He does not judge. He loves each and every one of us.

This is what crossed my mind: One act of random kindness.

I decided to help the guy because I did feel that he needs help. If his intentions are bad, then that's his conscience. At least my conscience is at peace and knowing that I helped a person in need today is all that matters.

Runaway with you :-)

2010-01-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

Song of the day: "Running" by No doubt

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

ME
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most

And I'm so sorry that I've fallen
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

Chorus:
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope we make it
Were running
Keep holding my hand
So we don't get separated

BE
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me

Sometimes its hard to keep on running
We work so hard to keep it going
Don't let me want to give up

Image credit to: lovescape.org

Mga Liham para sa kanya

2010-01-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

Disyembre 7, 2009
Di mapilit matago ang umaapaw na kaligayahan na aking nadama mula nung ika'y makilala.
Di ko ito nakita o inasahan man lang.
Pero tadhana nga naman!
Landas natin ay nagkatugma.
Isang linggong kaligayahan na tila isang magandang panaginip.
Ayoko nang magising!
Binigyan mo ng kulay and buhay kong tila isang blankong tolda.
Ipininta mo ang isang klase ng mundo kung saan ayos lang ipakita ang tunay na ako.
Hindi na kailangang magtago o magpanggap.
Isang mundo na puro mga ngiti at tawanan.
Isang mundo na nandyan ka.
Umaalalay sa bawat hakbang na aking tinatahak.
Ginagamot ang aking mga sugat pagkatapos madapa.
Taong nandyan para magalaga kapag ang buong mundo ay tumalikod na.
Hindi ko mapapantayan ang lahat ng kabutihan na ipinamalas mo saakin.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipaparating.
Ngunit isang panagako.
Para sayo.
Buong puso.
Nandito lang ako.

*****
Disyembre 9, 2009
Di makapaghintay na dumating ang umaga.
Gabing lamig na ito ay sana matapos na.
Yakapin na ang aking kumot para lipasan ang lamig.
Pakinggan ang orasan na sa tuwing pagtulog, ito lang ang natatanging himig.
Ayan na at hindi makapaghintay na ipikit ang mga mata.
Makita ang maliliit na tala
Maglalakbay na at iiwan ang mundong magulo.
Para sa isang mundo na puno ng kasiyahan at misteryo.
Sa paglipas ng walong oras...
Sa wakas!
Pagbukas ng aking mga mata.
Ang pagbati ng iyong tinig sa kabilang linya
Ang magkukumpleto sa araw ko
Dito sa mundo kong magulo.

*****
Enero 3, 2010
Makamptan ang panaginip na matagal nang inaasam
Sa aking mga palad sa wakas ay dumapo na
Dati'y panagarap na tila nakasulat lamang sa mga liham
Ngayo'y isa nang realidad na ikaw ay kapiling na
Bawat haplos sa aking balat ng iyong mga palad
Para akong nagiging ibon na napakataas kung makalipad
Bawat titig nang iyong mga mata sa akin
Puso ko'y sumisigaw na habang buhay pwede bang ika'y maging akin?
Bawat dampi ng iyong mga labi
Nanginginig ang aking katawan na maari bang magpakailanman ay ikaw nalang ang nasa aking tabi?
Ako na ay nahulog at nalunod sa pagibig mo
Salamat at sinagip mo ako
At inilagay mo sa iyong puso
Pangako ko sa iyo irog ko
Na gagawin ko ang lahat sa abot ng kapangyarihan ko
Na mahalin ka ng lubusan
Sa mga paraan na tangi kong nalalaman

New Year, New Chapter, Chapter One begins

2010-01-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

Song of the day: At the beginning by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis

We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

(Chorus)
And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
Ill be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you.
(Repeat Chorus)

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothings gonna tear us apart

****

Happy new year everybody! Hope you guys had a good one! My New year actually started off really really great. New years eve, after attending the evening service at church, I went straight to my friend's house and ate dinner there with my family and friends. We played a lot of rockband while waiting for the clock to strike 12 and when it did, it was a lot of fun! We have sparklers and we jumped for joy, screaming at the top of our lungs happy new year!

It was actually the best new years that I had since I moved here to the states.

That night, while outside, watching my family and friends with their smiling faces celebrating the new years with me, I actually felt God's Love for me, blessing me with such loving people who loves me for who I am. Who will be there for me till the end of time. I actually felt that 2010 is a breath of fresh air. Like HE was telling me that A new day has come. That HE is slowly answering my prayers to have a happy life after the storm that rained on me last year.

I know it's not going to be an easy year of course, There will surely be trials on the way, more responsibilities, but knowing that My God and the people that loves me has my back, then I know I will be alright.

Cheers to A New year! Time to clean the slates and hope for the best!

Love,
Ycej

2010

2010-01-01T13:21:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

Cheers to New Adventures ahead of us!

Something New

2009-12-12T22:21:00.000-08:00

Cheers to my New Camera! And I named her Blair! (My computer's name is Serena by the way!) I got her last Black friday, which is the friday after Thanksgiving. If you guys recall from my disney post, my old camera gave up on me which is sad because that is my very first expensive thing that I bought when I got my very first job.

Oh well, some things will come and go and new things will come to you unexpectedly! ;-)

Oh Happy Saturday! :-)

2009-12-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

"Happy is what happens... when your dreams are finally coming true!"

* Thanks for the Beautiful Flowers and the Bear and Chocolates ... I love it!*

Villain: a wicked or evil person

2009-11-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, even though how much you try to be a good person to another person...
You can still be the villain in their story...

New Chapters in the works

2009-11-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

A Re post: From my February Entry: "Let Go."

A mom once wrote to her daughter saying:

Daughter you need to let it go.
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you
let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,

loving you,
calling you,

caring about you,

coming to see you,
staying attached to you.

When people can walk away from you
let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.

Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person

It just means that their part in the story is over.

You've got to know when people's part in the story is over
so that you can start making a new story
for yourself.

So today begin a new chapter in your book.

And trust me when I say that when you finally close the old chapter

And start the new one

you will be one step closer to your happy ending.

Let it go...

At your own Risk

2009-11-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Risk - a source of danger; a possibility of incurring loss or misfortune.

In life, we have to take risks. It's scary, I know. But you know what, Everyday, we always take risks that were not aware of. Taking medicines, there's always risk involve. Driving to work is always a risk because there are crazy drivers out there. Eating fast foods, there's always a risk of health if you are not eating the right and healthy food for your body. Little things like these... yes we can consider ourselves to be risk takers. But why do we do it knowing that it may be dangerous or we may lose in the end.

I guess humans are designed to always take risks. We take risks to get what we want or achieve in life. To feel that actual accomplishment when you do succeed and if you don't succeed, at least you can say that you tried rather than letting the chance pass by and you'll go crazy thinking 'What if I did this or that." At least you have that peace of my mind.

The examples that I mentioned above about how we are risk takers everyday are what I call the "Involuntary Risks" meaning that we just do those stuff unconsciously because we have to. We need to. If I'm sick, I have to take my medicine knowing that there's a chance that the meds may or may not cure my sickness. Eating fast food, I mean, if I am really hungry like right now, of course I have to eat something. We do these because we need to.

The one that I really want to focus on for this entry is the "Voluntary Risks" that we have to do in life. The opportunity to tell the person that you love that you love him/her is a big risk but how would know if they feel the same way if you don't ask? Yes he/she may not feel the same way, but hey at least you'll know where your position is. Truth may hurt but the truth will set you free! I know that phrase is cliche but it is the truth. But what if they feel the same way too? SCORE!!! Same thing about your career, if you don't try to go after what you really wanted in life, how would you know? It's a risk that you need to take, if you win, Accomplished! If you lose, at least you tried.

You see what I'm saying? I know I may be bad at explaining stuff but the thing that I want to point out is that we shouldn't be scared to take risks. We have to take that chance, grab that opportunity, "Carpe Diem!" Seize the day or Seize the moment because if you don't bother to try, you'll be wondering the "What would've beens" the "What ifs?"

Taking risks makes you feel alive; makes life exciting!

You only live once you know ;)

Surprise !!!

2009-11-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

Last Monday we had a staff meeting at work and to my surprise, my boss and my co-workers chose me to be the Employee of the Month for the month of October!

I am just so honored and happy that at least, this proves that I am doing something right!

I seriously love my job. Though it's busy and stressful at times, I am truly blessed to have the job that I have right now, with positive people surrounding me everyday.

Sucks for you, Sucks for me

2009-11-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

If you could only see how much I care for you...
But too bad...
You chose not to see it.

Halloween

2009-11-01T16:43:00.001-08:00

Belated Happy Halloween!

Here's what I did:

FIRST: I went to see my Eye doctor in the morning for my yearly check up and order contacts because I already ran out and I also order new glasses (which I call my soon to be nerdy glasses) and I am soo excited to get them!

SECOND: I finally got to hang out with my cousin Joy, who I haven't seen in a longggg time. We decided to watch Michael Jackson's "This is it" documentary movie. The movie was ok but it did made me sad because I, or rather all of us will never see the finish product. The whole documentary was about his final rehearsals. They are videotaping everything for his own personal diary. You'll see the plans they want to do for the concert, the stage effects, the video background with supposedly 3d special effects, the fantastic choreograpy and also how alive, how well looking, how happy he and how he's looking forward to this concert to be shown to the World. Rest in Peace Michael Jackson. King of Pop.

THIRD: I have been feeling down on Halloween. Just Irritated, frustrated with some situations that I am encountering in my life. It makes me confuse and crazy. Sometimes I'm just too tired to care to the point that I'll just sleep on it.

Oh well.... Hope you guys had a fun halloween than I did.

Haayyy.. Buhay....

2009-10-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

- "Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls

Pre- Halloween Saturday adventure

2009-10-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day I got Last Saturday:

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

- Dr. Seuss quote

----> Maybe ... That's why I always feel the need to sleep because I am NOT inlove ... yet ... (LOL)

****
Me and my mom decided to go to Disneyland last Saturday. Just me and her. It's just something that we thought of doing while the two boys in our lives, my dad and brother bear, are in the Philippines right now for a three week vacation. It's Halloween time at Disneyland, pumpkin displays are everywhere, and the main theme, of course, is the Nightmare before Christmas.

When we arrived, I was so excited to take pictures but UNFORTUNATELY my Camera was not working after charging it all night. Apprently the screen is not working, it just has these blurry lines and it can't even take pictures at all. Luckily, thank you technology, my iPhone saved the day!

I didn't really take a lot of picture because I need to preserve my phone battery. It's so cute to see all the pumpkins around the main street disney. The fireworks display at night was awesome too, of course, hosted by Jack the Skeleton from Nightmare before christmas.

It's always fun to go to Disneyland, it really brings out the kid in you and also, seeing all the little kids in their princess costumes, buzz lightyear, mickey mouse, woody costumes and much more, the look on their faces, the happiness... its just... well, priceless.

It is what it is...

2009-10-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, ....

` "Let it be" by the Beatles

I guess I'm just being stubborn at times.
Trying to fix things again that has already been broken.

I guess there will be days like this,

That you feel you ought to fix or build a broken relationship.

"I'm sorry for trying to come back and ruining your now peaceful life..."

I should always remember that there are things in life,

Situations in life,

that should be left alone.

Because it is what it is.

I am still learning the art of letting go.

Please bear with me...

"How do you move on? You move on when your Heart finally understands that there is no turning back."

He visited me in my dreams

2009-10-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the weirdest dream.

"He" invited me and my family personally to his wedding. He even brought the girl with him. The girl that he's marrying is beautiful, nothing at all compare to me. Hearing this, seeing them, made my heart crumbled into pieces. I felt hurt crawling down my flesh and water starting to shed from my eyes when I turned my back on them while they were discussing their plans for the wedding.

A part me of me wanted to go back and be with him again. I want him to choose me. I should be the bride to be.

****Then, I forgot the other part of my dream. That's all that stood out. It's weird. I will confess though that I truly miss him at times and part of me wants to get back with him and be all happy again. To feel that I am complete with him by my side. I wish it's that easy but there are other factors that hinder me to go back and if I do go, I may question myself if I went back for the right reasons putting him on a position that's unfair to him.

I guess I never really moved on.... not yet...

Contentment isn't getting what we want but being satisfied with what we have.

2009-10-20T20:44:00.001-07:00

The story is told of a farmer who had lived on the same farm all his life. It was a good farm with fertile soil, but with the passing of the years, the farmer began to think, Maybe there's something better for me. He set out to find an even better plot of land to farm.

Every day he found a new reason for criticizing some fearure of his old farm. Finally, he decided to sell. He listed the farm with a real estate broker who promptly prepared an advertisement emphasizing all the many advantages of the acreage: Ideal location, modern equipment, healthy stock, acres of fertile ground, high yields on crops, well-kept barns and pens, nice two-story house on a hill above pasture.

When the real estate agent called to read the ad to the farmer for his approval prior to placing it in the local paper, the farmer heard him out. When he had finished, he cried, "Hold Everything! I've changed my mind. Im not going to sell. Why, I've been looking for a place just like that all my life!"

When you start identifying the good traits of any person, situation, or organization, you are likely to find that they far outweigh the bad. Focus on what you have. What you have not will likely seem insignificant.

~ from God's little devotional book

Why?

2009-10-20T20:33:00.001-07:00

Why is it that suddenly...

I am longing to be back in your arms again?

Ka-Tropa ko lang siya...

2009-10-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Di ko talaga maintindihan tong nararamdaman ko.
Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong pagkasigla ng damdamin.

Sa tuwing makita ko siya ...
Makausap ko siya ...
Ang aking mga ngiti ay umaabot hanggang langit!
Nawawala ako sa aking sarili ...

Pag napatitig ako sa kanya ... parang pakiramdam ko na nasa ibang planeta ako ...
Kapag kasama ko sya ... Sobrang iba ang takbo ng araw ko...
Parang lahat ng pagod na pumuno sa araw ko ay bigla nalang naglaho...

Siya...

Siya ngayon ang nagbibigay araw sa kadiliman na bumalot sa buhay kong nawasak...
Kahit na hindi kami pareho ng nararamdaman, o malamang hindi ko lang talaga alam ang tunay niyang nararamdaman ukol sa akin, masaya na ako na nakilala ko siya. Hindi nya alam na sobrang laki ang naidudulot nyang kasiyahan sa akin kapag nandyan lang siya.

Oo... umaasa ako na sana maging mabait ang tadhana, na kapag dumating ang tamang panahon... na pareho na kaming handa na harapin ang kinabukasan... sana... sana lang... pwede naming matawag ang aming mga sarili na "kami."

Nagtataka ba kayo kung sino siya?

Hmmmm.... Wala lang....

"Ka- Tropa ko lang siya..."